Photo by David Mullins / Unsplash

This is a subject that’s hard to talk about, especially when trying to talk about it with kids. Yeah I know this is a dark subject, but hey, we all are going to go through it at some point.
The topic came up during Kindergarten for my older daughter since a kids mother died from cancer. I don’t recall if I mentioned my mothers death before or after this incident.
So this subject got talked about a bit in kindergarten but was of course also a subject at home. Not being religious I didn’t even bother to start the whole afterlife talk. A softer version was “we become stars”, but that didn’t really feel right with me when she talked about me glowing in the sky after I die. It felt wrong and I decided to come clean that we are not going to be stars. We don’t know what happens, I kept the part about us just being gone forever to myself.
Over the years, the subject came up occasionally, and one day I mentioned that I would want to be incinerated, she took that information in and didn’t say anything.
Days, weeks, months passed, and the topic came up on the podcast she’s listening to. A dad, terminally ill, drawing together with his children on his coffin. It was for me a very hard episode to listen to. She took that episode in, discussing parts that where talked about in that episode but nothing related to us.
Again, days and weeks passed, and on the way to get an ice cream, we passet a funeral home which had coffins and urns on display. This was the first time she finally mentioned her thoughts, she doesn’t want me to be incinerated, she want’s to draw on my coffin. But I’m not sick, of course accidents can happen, but so far there is no sign of me dying soon, it could be that she’s 50 when I die.
Doesn’t matter, she still want’s to draw on my coffin.

More weeks passed, unexpectedly she brought the subject up again. Some people like going to the cemetery and talk to the deceased people from their life. If I get incinerated, she won’t be able to do that. So I’m not allowed to be incinerated so that she can come and talk to me.

She continued her thoughts on the matter, what if we are born again, in a different universe, and an infinite number of univers exist, we get to relive our lives, meet again, and again, and again …

Cristian Livadaru

Cristian Livadaru