The beauty of film

Posted by Cristian Livadaru on Wednesday, November 9, 2022

The Beauty of film

There’s something special about the Viennale film festival. For one, it only happens once a year and only for a short time, tickets are limited and hard to get. There is no “I’ll watch it later” since a lot of these movies are hard to find later. It’s now or never!

This then for me creates a pressure to go and get as many tickets as I can get. Food? Who cares, you can eat later. Shopping? Order it online or do it next week. It’s Viennale, now, no matter what. I get tickets for movies I know nothing about and have chosen based on a trailer or a few lines describing the movie. Yes of course some movies are to artistic and I just sit there thinking “what the fuck?” But in most cases I’m happy with my choice.

Viennale movies don’t try to impress me with special effects or anything fancy, at least not the movies I pick, it’s more an emotional thing, taking me on a rollercoaster of emotions, love, pain, sadness, happiness, anger and bitter sweet nostalgia. The longing to relive the past which seems to have been so much simpler, disregarding any pain and problems from the past, cherry picking those joyfully moments and having the certainty of what is yet to come. Those innocent childhood days, where all you had to do is your homework and show up for dinner. Comparing this to the inability of doing thins like that in my adult days and asking myself why?

What is holding me back? Responsibility? Guilt? Fear? The never ending To-Do list?

Viennale movies have, for me at least, the capability of pulling me in and feeling with the people from the movie. No matter if these are situations I have been in and understand or if it’s something unknown to me.

Les Passagers de la nuit

Probably one movie that I enjoyed most was “Les Passagers de la nuit”. The whole movie was a roller coaster ride. Even though I grew up in a different environment, there’s so much in there I can relate to. The uncertainty of the girl who left home, the kids playing outside, the moms battle with cancer, even if the battle itself wasn’t addressed in the movie, it’s left to the viewer to create the backstory of what might have happened. Instead the movie handles with the current days, and other problems.

The pain, the despair, lack of sleep, walks, drives, running in the dark with no destination, just to clear your mind, trying to occupy it, give a nudge to take a break and get out of that dark hole, balancing being a parent but also a person with own needs, the glimpses of hope and the big question, what’s next? Kids are grown up, leaving home, what is there next for me?

I know it will be a while until my kids are at that age, but the question is already present with a response not really in sight. Since all thoughts and plans now are related to the children, what will be once this isn’t the case anymore?

While I hope that my kids will reach out to me in tough times if they need me, but I hope by then I will have given them what they need to navigate through this junge called life by them selves, but I will always be there for and they will always be my number one.

And here is where my rollercoaster ride with the movie ends. A 1 hour and 40 minute ride with a story about someone’s four years of life, bringing me to almost all corners of my 43 years and to the unknown of what will come. To the corners of my childhood, the simple dish my grandparents used to make me, a simple thing, that mostly got slightly burned, not to much that it’s bitter, but enough to create a unique taste which I probably will never be able to replicate since it was cooked on open fire.

To the corners with painful moments, like the Johnny Cash song Hurt: “I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel, I focus on the pain, the only thing that’s real”.

I feel, I live, there’s darkness, there’s light, and all of this from a short movie.

Isn’t this magical?